After the last post, wherein I heard about how 'sporting' and 'wonderful' my husband is to let me make fun of him like that (hey, I was going for an 'artistic representation of real life', but whatever!), I thought this should help even things out a bit - and to demonstrate how he is not exactly a complete angel.
See, some people can sing...some people can dance...and my husband has his own extremely unique talent.
Vijay is a song-ruiner.
He can take any song - usually a song that you really like, constantly in your head and on your lips - and twist the lyrics spontaneously into something completely unrelated and ridiculous - so that you can never think of it in the same way again.
He will do this without warning, right out of the blue, any time, any place - though I have noticed a tendency on his part to do this mostly when driving. While deftly avoiding an oncoming truck, he will suddenly burst into tuneless song - and after a few seconds, when the dust settles and I've recovered my nerves, it will register with me that the sung lyrics had come out all twisted.
Today, we were driving home together, and I heard his version of 'Masti Ki Patshaala' from Rang De Basanti - and that's the death of that song for me. Sample:
'...Na Koi... Naada Daala...
...Na Koi...Kheenchne Waala...
(Chorus!)
...Apna to Pai-jama...
...'Lashtic ka Pai-jama...
...Apna to Pai-jama...
...'Lashtic ka Pai-jama...'
Yes, I know. It's not even remotely funny. But that is precisely my point.
I quite liked that song, and I can now never hear it again without imagining Vijay, prancing about in his gangly manner, defying his enemies to pull down his pyjamas, all the while triumphantly snapping on the tight new elastic waistband. (Clarificatory note: this is an imaginary scene - it has never happened - at least, not to my knowledge - and not yet, anyway).
I could give you more examples, but I will spare you the torture. The simple point is this:
There comes a time in every woman's life, when she discovers her significant other has a talent like this, buried deep within. At these times, it is vital for her to serve humanity by encouraging him to bury it a little deeper. It is my sincere hope this post helps achieve that in some small way.
P.S - Vijay just caught me about to post this - but after the last post, he seems beyond caring what I put on my blog about him. Being extremely fair-minded, I encouraged him to start his own blog to retaliate. He informed me, with a rather evil grin, that he is only waiting for me to go into labour -so that he can 'start his blog with a bang...and a supremely interesting video post'. This may, therefore, be the last you hear about Vijay for some time from me. Also, the word 'Help?' comes to mind.
hahahaha - most amusing young duh duh! actually your musical standards are too high. in all our association you only found one song that i could sing. fineeeeee!
ReplyDeleteoh and i can't help but remember khanna's version of:
i want to make pee
i want toooo make pee
i want to make pee till my bladder is khalee
and then there'll be no pee-eeeee
i've got to make pee
You had me in splits. My hubby of many many years murders songs too, but not with such originality.
ReplyDeleteHe's the expert at transposing random lines from song to song- somewhat like the way he treats his wardrobe- a random ironed shirt yanked out and discarded onto the bed, trousers left falling off their hangers- he does the same thing to songs....
Do let us know more ruined songs- its nice to know that the younger generation is following ze old torchbearers!
My husband just murders songs by singing them so badly that they are barely recognisable.
ReplyDeleteWhen he was a kid, he joined the church choir. After the first couple of days, they put him in the last row and told him to just move his lips :O
OMG! the husband does the same thing with hindi movie songs. and i must say Vijay's version is quite funny and witty, and not of the 'need-to-wash-mouth-with-soap-afterwards' variety. P's versions have references to bodily functions more often than not.
ReplyDeleteand hey, yr 'photo pheature' is hilarious! i guess the better halves of bloggers have to resign themselves to making unwitting guest appearance on our blogs :)
lol! awsm! I loved his version of the song too much .. so much so that it got me out of lurking and actually commenting (I have been reading your blog quite a while now and I even blog-rolled you btw :D )
ReplyDeleteo!u wretched misgivers! how could you try to get him to bury his talent?! this is just too good!
LOL!!! But see i realize he didnt manage to get u to pull down the last post after all! :D Now u know why the link to ur blog on mine says hilarious Y! :D
ReplyDeleteganju: umm. and which song would that be, in your imagination?..khanna funny!
ReplyDeletedipali: thank you. but i am a bit ashamed to admit the real reason why I can't post more of VJ's versions - as replying to aqua below.
rohini: clearly, the early experience has not fully discouraged him :-D
aqua: thank you, but confession time - this one was the only clean enough one of VJ's for me to put on this 'family type blog'. Take for example, the innocent 'lakdi ki kaati, kaati pe ghoda..'..I cannot tell you the next line but let's just say the poor horse gets the hammer on more than his tail.
Nutty: Thanks for undoing all my discouraging. He saw your comment and went 'Yes! Go, Nutty! Nutty is on my side!' followed by 'Who's Nutty?'. Also thanks for the link :-)
Unpredictable: Yes, he's either being a great sport or planning something horrible as revenge. Thank you for the link too :-)
that cranberries song - when you're gone. don't take it away from me ... don'tttttt.
ReplyDeleteon a completely unrelated note - you're quite the superstar of the blogging world, aren't you now :)
oh great.. another song murderer. the OA does the same adn I cant bear to hear the song ever again and yes.. not all of them are for general audience.
ReplyDeleteHehehhe.. what can be said! I'd say he's damn creative! :))
ReplyDeleteI liked the version of the song. Can imagine a heavy male voice singing that song, and it has me in splits!
ReplyDeleteEncourage him. :)
I think he has a huge pajyama fixation. The last one i remember was:
ReplyDeleteWoh kown baitha hai jhaari ke peeche
haath mein lota pajyama neeche...
Hmm... I spot a trend.. I need to give him feedback..
hehhhee... hohooohoo... hehehhoho... heeeheee (wiping my eyes now)
ReplyDeleteY, unless you totally, absolutely adore whatever it is that you are doing at office, you ought to write a book. this is super dynamite stuff. Glad i wandered here. Rock on.
back to the hysterical laughter now, excuse me ... (and do write a book) ... hhooohoo heeehe hahaha...
Why do they do this?? V and his friends come up with horrible Hindi versions and then I get confused and end up singing a mishmash of the original and the parody.
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing well.
Ganju: Yeah...sure...your singing of that song is...beyond words.
ReplyDeleteShome: Go ahead. You're the feedback man.
Still Searching, Nice New Guy: Not helping my cause :-)
Stuti: Thank you :-)
Mad Momma, Sue: Quite a common problem this one, then, eh? Sue, am fine, much the same - thanks for asking.
This one was so funny too...:D I can just see him singing it (ain't I smart, I can see sounds...)
ReplyDeleteVery, very good writing in the Droll School of Thought! Am I allowed to put a smiley here - I think you said somewhere you hate smileys :)??
:)