One Hundred Posts of Non-Solitude

100 posts.

Wow.

I started this blog at just about this time, last year. I was generally bored, frustrated and sick at the beginning of my pregnancy. I just wanted to get my mind of things, at that point. That's what this blog was for. It was completely unrelated to the most significant part of my life - the pregnancy and the baby that was to come.

But then of course, I realized that there were parts of the pregnancy that were pretty special and memorable too (and I needed to vent and complain somewhere!), and so I thought I would start another blog, which I have subsequently discontinued after Peanut was born. At that point, it was only for family and friends to read, but if you want to read a pregnant lady's rants any time, knock yourself out.

Anyway, this blog has really evolved since it started - and so have I. And I guess we're both still evolving. For example, it's pretty telling that before Peanut was born, I could actually maintain two separate blogs - one on the pregnancy and one about other things in life - but now, it's all very much, to quote Poppins 'About my Life...my Baby...Wait, aren't they the same?'.

I'm also told that the tone of the blog has changed a lot. Well, how much of your original irritable and sarcastic self can you retain when you're writing about tiny little Peanut? The frequency of my posts have increased since I'm on maternity leave and obviously the content of the posts revolves mostly around her right now. I'm fairly sure motherhood is bringing out a most caring, unselfish side of me - although my hackles still rise when I get all that frickin' unwanted advice from people around me.

Which brings me to another point. I've never really been a person to reach out to strangers. I have very few friends who are very close to me. I mentioned earlier that I usually come off as someone with too much attitude. But as I interact with more and more people while blogging, I feel that there are actual relationships that are being forged here - and somehow it seems to me that there are so many people out there who are so interesting, who may be going through or have gone through the same things that I am right now, and in general, are just so much fun to get to know through their writing - and the comments they leave behind here. So while I get annoyed with the unsolicited motherhood advice I get all the time from those around me in the offline world (I hate that phrase but it's useful), I absolutely lap up the experiences of other young blogging Moms - the most important difference I find being empathy.

The bloggy Moms are largely non-judgemental and have been through similar emotions and experiences in the recent past. This is important to me to know, because I'm literally the first in my circle of friends to have a child - and the older generation of our family seems to have completely utopian views on how to raise kids, and their cloudy memories suggest that they raised their own children in an atmosphere of blissful perfection 'My children never cried this way...' (Yeah, right).

Look, I may not be a great Mom, but I'm learning, hey? But I'm pretty much figuring the only way to deal with this is to plaster a fake smile on my face and move on, and to accept that the advice will keep coming - and most of it, if not all - is as well-meant as it is irritating. And the thing is - I can always come and bitch about it here.

What else, what else? The bitching part reminds me of the anonymity bit. Sure, this isn't an anonymous blog and I never really wanted it to be. I've been warned by a friend or two on a couple of occasions about revealing too much, and sure, there are freaks out there -but to be honest - I don't see how I'm revealing more here than most people reveal on Orkut or Facebook! Sure, there are times when I need to regulate what I write because a lot of people who know me read this blog, but for the most part, I share whatever I want to share and keep it mostly light-hearted. Unlike some others, I don't treat this blog as an online diary - it's just some thoughts that I put out there, a way to record some memories and increasingly, a way to interact with other people.

And that's another bit of evolution here - my writing was very one-sided when it started, largely because I knew I was only being read by a few of my friends and family. It's different now and I find myself starting to pose more and more questions to those who read this blog - and this stems out of a genuine sense of curiosity about what you think about a particular issue.

Another thing that is changing is that earlier I only wrote when I had something funny to say - but lately, I just write whatever I feel like writing about -such as this post- and it is really far more liberating. This is a good thing - especially considering that you lot who come here for the laughs don't really PAY me for it, hey? Also, I don't want or plan on having those Google Ads here, either. Am sure I will miss the 75 paise that I would have made thanks annually to my wide readership, but I'll somehow scrape through, I think.

Which brings me to my final point then. I know there are a few people who drop by occasionally, because of the comments they leave behind...I can think of Svety, Quirky Quill, Nandita, Stuti, Mona, Timepass, Still Searching, Unpredictable, Rayshma, Chandni, Sameera, Suki, Poppins, Aqua, Argee, Rohini, Moppet’s Mom, Parul, Dipali, Sue, Nm, Squiggle’s Mom, Cee Kay...a lovely, sporting, supportive bunch in general.

And then there are my family and friends, including Vani, Abhi, Richa, Shilpa, Garima, Nimisha, Ganju, Shome, Mahogany, Vijay, Mash, Gitanjali and her pals Gaurav and Saurabh, Ma, Mini...

But while I'm really just a small-time blogger, I do sometimes wonder...who are the rest of you? And why do you mostly read me on Mondays and Wednesdays? (Dumbass question with an obvious answer!) Incidentally, Monday also sees a disproportionately high number of page reloads - that bored in office, eh? Wink, wink. I know how you feel!

I don't have dem fancy-shmancy trackback thingies installed on my low-tech little blog. Anyway, if you've come back here on more than a couple of occasions, this may be a good time for you to de-lurk. After all, you do want to wish me a happy 100th post, don't you?

It would be nice to get to know you - but even if you choose to remain silent for some reason, well, that's okay too.

In any case, you should know that I really do appreciate you all dropping by. We must do this again sometime.

Maybe at the 200th post, hey? Let's do lunch.