Salespersons Beware

And why it is entertaining and exasperating in equal measures to go shopping with my husband.


- Buying a Sofa a few years back:


I want to buy the first decent looking set I see; but oh, no, not he. He wants to research. And debate. And an important criterion for him - when I'm travelling, he needs to be able to sleep on it. And it must not 'sweat'.


Glib salesperson: How about THIS one, sir?
Vijay: Hmmm. Does it sweat?
Glib salesperson, losing some glibness: Sorry, sir?
Vijay: Does it sweat, sweat? Will I be able to sleep on it without getting all hot and sweaty?
Glib enlightened salesperson: Oh yes, of course. No, no. It doesn't sweat at all, sir.
Vijay: Hmmm (Sneakily puts his hand on the sofa and keeps it there)
Glib salesperson: It's one of our most popular models. Very high demand.
Vijay: Hmm. What material?
Glib salesperson: Blah blah blah.
Vijay: Where is it made?
Glib salesperson: Blah blah blah.
Vijay: How much will it cost?
Glib salesperson: Blah blah blah.

After a few minutes of this, just as Glib salesperson thinks he has sealed the deal, Vijay attacks.

Vijay: YOU said it would not sweat. But I've kept my hand on it for the last 5 minutes and it's sweating. SEE?

Glib salesperson recoils at sweaty hand and the thought that the expensive sofa has now got this tall gentleman's permanent imprint on it. We leave shortly without the sofa, my cheeks red.


More recently, buying a playpen for Peanut


Vijay: How much is THIS one?
Casual salesperson: This one, sir, is very cheap. 70% discount.
Vijay: 70%??
Casual salesperson: Yes, sir. Last piece left. Little tear on the side, but otherwise, very good condition.
Vijay (examining the playpen, muttering thoughtfully): 70%...
Casual salesperson: Yes, sir.
Vijay (attacks suddenly in an accusing tone): But your signs outside say discounts upto 50%...
Mystified salesperson: Yes...?
Vijay: And this is 70%.
Unsure salesperson: Yes...
Vijay: WHY don't your signs say upto 70%?
Flabbergasted salesperson: Sir...it's the only piece sir...if it goes, and customer asks 'where is 70%'...then sir...problem, sir.
Vijay (satisfied) Hmmm. Achha ji. Theek hai.

I am standing on the side, mouth slightly open, wondering how he's just got a guy to feel guilty about having a great discount offer. We buy the playpen, but leave the salesperson re-evaluating his career options.


And finally, buying a suitcase yesterday:


Enthu trainee salesboy: And THIS suitcase is very good, sir. This colour also very good. Suede matrial to bahut hi achha rehta hai, sir.
Vijay: Hmmm... par yeh jaldi ganda ho jayega, lagta hai...
Enthu trainee: Nahin, sir! Par yeh aisa matrial hai ....suede matrial ...ki jitna ganda hota hai, aur bhi achha dikhta hai, sir. Sachh mein!
Me: Yes...but do you have this same thing in black?
Enthu trainee: Yes, ma'am...but THIS colour is very popular....25 pieces of this I have sold...
Me: Yes, but I want black because I think this light brown will get dirty fast.
Enthu trainee: Nahin ma'am...I'm telling you...jitna ganda hoyega, utna achha lagega...
Vijay (tired of this argument, asks politely) Phir tum issko aur ganda karke kyon nahin bechte?

Enthu trainee is deflated. We buy the suitcase, but I think he is probably still working on his comeback.