Old....so old....

So guess what? I think I'm burning out - and I'm not even thirty yet.

Just came back after a week's holiday in Jaipur with the in-laws. Peanut stuck to me like glue throughout the trip, refusing to go to even the K or her Daddy for more than a few minutes at a time. The one time I did manage to get out of the house for some shopping, she was apparently fine, though. What is it about my presence that makes her become so clingy and whiny? Okay, the clingy part I get because it's kind of difficult to cling to someone who isn't there, but why whiney? What is it with the whining, I ask? Where does she get it from? Oh, right. Shut up and move on, Y.

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The holiday is over, and it's back to work tomorrow - I'm telling you though, I need another holiday to recover from this one. What's that you say? I'm whining again? DAMMIT! Sorry, sorry. Let's try another thread.

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After experimenting over the past year with train travel, air travel, car travel and even boat travel (yes, once, to Murud-Janjira), I have decided that that train travel suits us best, given how Peanut behaves on all other modes of transport. Well, to be honest, actually boat travel was the smoothest but I don't see that being practical for Delhi-Jaipur travel.

Anyway, on the way to Jaipur, Peanut was an angel - to be more specific, she slept for a while. But on the way back, she was on some sort of a sugar high or something, and was keen on exploring the whole train - at one point, one of the stewards (is that what they're called on trains?) muttered to Vijay while practically leaping over Peanut 'Sir, bacche ko godi mein bithaiye na', to which Vijay muttered to his retreating back 'Bhaiiya, tumhe hi bitha doon godi mein?'. It certainly would have been easier.

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So we got back from Jaipur day before yesterday, and today just spent the day running a few errands here and there. Peanut, unfortunately, developed a high fever today - it just seems to come and go. Have been giving her doses of Crocin which brings it down for a while but then it clambers up again. Not sure what's wrong, but if she keeps it up, may need to take a little more time off to nurse her back to perfect health again.

Speaking of nursing, I am aware that I publicly declared that it is time to wean her, but now I'm publicly declaring that I don't think I will be doing it anytime soon. And not just because of the kind anonymous commentor who encouraged me to keep weaning ( Who are you, kind commentor? Are you my Raju Masi? Yes, people, I have a masi named Raju but don't worry, it's only her pet name). Anyway, the point I was trying to make before I meandered off course, was that I spoke to my boss, who has nursed her kids till they were at least two, and I think there are just too many benefits of this extended breastfeeding for both me and Peanut, and there's no real reason to rush it - plus, my visit to the paeditrician last week confirmed that she is on track with her weight gain although a little below average, and so it's okay to continue.

Of course, when she bites me at the end of a feed, I resolve 'never, never again' - the pain is just so acute at that point. Four sharp teeth digging into a rather tender part of your body. Shudder. In fact, she did it once on the train too, and my screams were audible at least twenty rows away. Vijay, grabbing every chance that he can, decided to comfort her and bravely offered her his finger, saying 'Come on, Peanut, you can chew on this'. The resultant scream was audible at least twenty five rows away.

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That reminds me, Vijay really does try hard to get some brownie points with Peanut, but as he says 'Aaj kal bilkul mujhe lift nahin deti'. I tell him to read her books to her, but she usually just snatches them out of his hands and brings them to me with a firm 'Mama' - clearly, I do it better. But Vijay makes the most of every opportunity - there is one book called 'Spot loves his Mum', which is all about the things that little puppy Spot does with his Mom. Vijay reads this one out loud without any major distortions in the story, save for the fact that he replaces 'Mum' with 'Daddy' every single time. There is also some rather undue emphasis on the Daddy part so it's -

'Spot loves his DADDY...
When spot hurts his knee, his DADDY makes him feel better...
Spot snuggles up to DADDY as he reads his favourite bedtime story...'

...and so on.

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This is a rather mish-mash post but given the paucity of time, what do you expect? I mean, what is it that you people want from me? I give, and I give, until there is nothing more left to give but still you clamour for more....okay, sorry again. I think I'm just in that kind of mood right now. I think the bit I mentioned about burning out is getting to me. I mean, a gal's got to have some time to herself, right? Why is it so impossible? Between work and Peanut, I'm just ready to completely pass out at the end of the day. I am fairly good with my exercise, and even dabble in a little yoga and meditation which gives me a good start to the day, but by the end of it, it just seems like another day has rushed by. Towards what end? Why? What is it that I am meant to be doing beyond just 'managing very well'. Have you ever got this feeling? Does it happen often? Does it go away? Does it chase you throughout your life? Well? Well?

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On the other hand, of course, there are these moments that I wouldn't give up for the world. I mean, we got Peanut this new red ball, and yesterday, Vijay and I were tossing it back and forth while she giggled and ran between the two of us trying to catch it. It struck me then that just a couple of years ago, Vijay and I couldn't have been playing this game of 'Beech ka bandar' because there would have been no bandar in the beech. And while it may seem like a slightly strange reason to have a baby, at that moment, it just seemed to fit very well, and frankly, Beech ka bandar is a lot of fun and it does make sense to have a third person in order for you to be able to play it.

It's just so strange, though if you can understand where I'm coming from on this one - We couldn't play this game two years ago - and now we can. There's a whole new person here, who wasn't there before. We created this little person, who is so much better than us in every way. This, my friends, is called evolution. And so, carrying on in the same vein, maybe someday we'll even be able to play doubles tennis - although I'm fairly sure that Peanut no. 2 is far away - until Peanut is old enough to help take good care of him/her.

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Discussing stuff like this makes me realize I'm in a slightly strange situation, which is that some people at work apparently read my blog. This wasn't the case in my earlier organization because no one but a few close family and friends read this blog at that time. Why are you work people reading me? Is it because you are genuinely interested in what I write or is it some sort of a sinister HR-driven plot to keep tabs on me? Delurk now and let me know the reason. I also know a couple of you have your own blogs but I haven't asked to read them only because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. If you like, you can leave a comment and I'll come by and visit.

This whole blogging thing is redefining social relationships, isn't it? So many people have blogs now. Frankly, a lot of them are crap but there are also a lot of them that are such interesting reads. In fact, what I miss is not just the time required to post more frequently but also the time required to read my favourite blogs and discover new ones. I feel I'm losing touch with some of my favourites...Parul, Kiran, Sur, Sue, Tharini, Dotmom, Cee Kay, Mona...sigh. Anyway, if you guys are reading this, just to let you know I'm thinking of you!

I was going to write a lot more, but I'm going to go now - will hopefully be posting a little more frequently, even if they are just little short posts.

So that's all I have to say for now. And you?