The Balancing Act

So I continue to hear things like - '' I really don't know how you're doing it? Managing a job, three children and you've written a book? Wow!''

Now, here's the thing. Neither do I. Know how I'm doing it, that is. Which is actually not all that important.

The bit of a bummer is that I suspect I've not actually being doing it all very well.

For what was the longest time - almost all of 2011 - I continued to plod on though, giving my best to what actually comes most naturally to me - my job. And feeling like I wasn't really sure what was going on with my kids, getting behind on Peanut's homework, rarely getting to bathe Pickle and Papad myself, and hardly ever taking them to the park. As for writing, after January 1, I thought I'd give myself a little breather, and the next thing I know, it's over a month later and I haven't written a word. In short, it was all going slightly awry, but I felt too tired and clueless about effecting any real change in life.

And then, a couple of weeks ago, my favorite and only remaining grandmother - Didu - was diagnosed with Cancer. At the age of 90.

Shocking and ridiculously unfair turn of events as this has been, my determination has been to try and spend as much time with her as possible. Given that she lives an hour away with my mother, I had no choice but to cut back on my work committments and for the time being at least, have started to work on a half-day arrangement.

You'd think that would work better, but given that there has been an imminent house shift and set up, and illness - with first Anouk getting a stomach upset last week and then both me and Papad getting viral illness and eye infections - it's not been any better, really. The worst part about my falling ill is that I can't go and visit Didu, for fear of infecting her, which would be a disaster given her precarious condition.

Didu has had her first round of Chemotherapy and thankfully seems to have not suffered the side effects too badly. Except that she's really very weak and sometimes in a lot of pain. It's amazing that she keeps her spirits up and is cheerful in general, expressing more concern for the so called trouble and worry she is causing the family, than any major fear or concern for her own self. Typical.

So net-net, I'm going to have to reorient myself a little. Okay, a lot.

24 hours in the day. So many things to do. So much ambition. So little sleep, which actually proves to be terribly counter-productive overall and leads to illnesses, and other stuff.

Step one, therefore - get more sleep. By stopping the breastfeeding of the twins through the night. And that of course, will be another adventure by itself.

In the meantime, as always - life goes on.