Last week I was invited for an Inspiration Session at the JWT office. The invite came to me from my friend, the talented Babita who heads a division in their Gurgaon office. It was a nice, informal, fun thing with tea and Dhokla involved, and I really enjoyed speaking to the folks there.
The day I was scheduled to go over for the talk, I thought it would be best to put down some speech notes - I dashed this off, and of course, didn't end up actually using them while speaking, but it did help to pen down my thoughts. Here's the draft that I wrote, completely different from the condensed, more interactive version of what finally occurred. The reason I thought I'd like to capture it here is that it's a phase in my life when I'm transitioning back to the corporate world, this time as an employee and not as a consultant - after a few years of doing the sabbatical-writing-consultant mix. Here goes -while it's long, I'm hopeful you'll get something out of it too :) - I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I’m happy to see you all
here, and I’m also happy about this initiative –on a Friday afternoon, an
‘inspiration session’ – a time to actually take a pause from all the activities
that keep us busy, time to take stock of where we’re actually headed with all that we're doing.
I plan to speak to you only
about 15-20 minutes so that we have another 15-20 minutes afterwards for an
interaction where I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have, provided
I know the answers. I’ve been struggling with what I’d like to say to you,
given that it’s been some learnings over the last five years really that I
think have resulted in some profound changes in my life.
So I’ll start with the year
2010, five years ago – when I was having my twin sons. I was 85 kilos with the
weight of the two boys, tremendously uncomfortable and vowing that I’d never
have kids again. And that was even before the difficult surgery – two
surgeries, the latter that resulted from a complication with the first
C-section. It was the most difficult time I’ve ever had to go through with
physical pain and weakness and the clear sense of almost having lost my life.
Today, I feel so thankful
that I went through that. A lot of people say stuff like this – if I hadn’t
been through that really difficult time, I wouldn’t be who I am now. And it’s
true. I actually think it’s a pity that more people don’t go through difficult,
near-death-experiences because often, it’s the only way that you get whacked
enough on the head to see your life for what it is.
For about 8 years before this
time, I’d been on the journey of a typical corporate go-getter. Very
competitive, passed out of IIM-Bangalore, several years at Levers, aspiring to be
one of the youngest AVPs in my current organisation….it was the sickness that
caused me to reevaluate what was really important to me. And so, I started
writing.
It was as if a veil had been
lifted. Something that I’d been hiding inside of myself, busy with the
corporate world, a deep passion and a desire to get my work in print had now
been activated and I was able to create the first draft of what would become my
first published novel in about three months while I was recovering.
So my
first big message to you would be – don’t wait for life to whack you on the
head and get you started on what you really believe will make you happy.
Just whack yourself on the head and do it. It starts with a pause, like this
one. We don’t pause enough.
Sometime after I’d recovered
and got my book deal from HarperCollins, I took a call that I wouldn’t ever
have taken earlier. It was kind of a big pause. I decided to to for a
Sabbatical, for the first time since I’d started working. I had become AVP. But now, it
was just a job title and I wasn’t attached to it anymore. My grandma got really
sick and I wanted to spend time with her. My writing career was about to start,
my children were still small. It was all getting too much. With the help of a
supportive husband, I took this call and I moved out of the corporate world for
some time.
My sabbatical was important to me. It lasted a couple of years, and I had a few
consulting assignments in between but I had plenty of time with my kids. I
didn’t travel much, I spent a lot of time working on my health, writing, music,
becoming a Zumba instructor, hanging out more with my kids. I wrote two more
books, actually three or four if you count the ones that are yet to be
published. I read heaps, a lot of work on non-fiction, on creativity, on
writing, on managing life, on parenting and yes, many on happiness and finding
your passion. It’s almost embarrassing for me now how much I’ve read on
different theories and practices for happiness. It’s particularly embarrassing because I have to admit that I’m such a work-in-progress even at the age of 35.
But then - I actually believe I’m so much better off at 35 than I was
at 30, and I’m really looking forward to being 40, and then older…so I’m
guessing I might be doing something right.
A Caveat here:
Do I recommend taking a sabbatical to work on something really important to
you? Absolutely. Does that mean you all need to go out and ask for one right
away? Absolutely not. I was very lucky to be in a unique situation where I
didn’t have the financial pressure of being the primary breadwinner. I was also
at a stage where I really wanted to look at establishing myself as an author
and that needed focussed time and effort; I had the financial AND emotional support of my husband, but very importantly –I think I had the backing of several years
of good work in the corporate space, which would ensure that I wouldn’t get
left too far behind if I wanted to ever come back. Which I found, as the kids
grew up – I did. I do. I’m going back to work next month, in the full-time
employ of an organisation that luckily for me, works very well virtually and
doesn’t have any problem with people working from home too. Contrary to what
you might have thought I’d say, I actually don’t recommend whole-heartedly jumping
into following your passion – I do recommend taking the time to figure things
out for yourself; and reading an excellent book by Cal Newport called ‘So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills
Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You love’
It’s an important time for me
right now as I transition back to holding a position and a title at an
organization again. I thought I’d take stock of some of the things I’ve
discovered for myself over the last few years. In the hope that at least one or
two of these, if not more, help you in some way or the other –
1) MANAGING ENERGY – everything that you do from the moment you
get up in the morning to the time you go to sleep, requires energy. People
often ask me – how is it that you’re doing so many things –managing work, writing books, your children, studying yoga, taking zumba classes,
learning music.
a. I do those things only to the
point that they energize me. Yoga and Zumba don’t happen on the same days
for me. They’re my own workout, helping both body and mind. I write in fits and
spurts for a couple of months at a time, and that too, for no more than a
couple of hours each day, or it begins to get me down. The music I’m learning?
I play for maybe fifteen minutes a day, if that, and if it begins to feel I’m
going nowhere with it, I’ll stop.
b. Appropriate Goal-setting -It helps to set longer
term goals so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. I was feeling overwhelmed by taking piano and guitar
classes at the same time. It all started because I used to sit in on my
daughter’s piano lessons like any good, obsessive mother would – and it was
suggested to me that I should stop doing that and let her learn on her own for
more independent progress. I figured, well, I’m taking her anyway, and I should
use my time better. But it was only when I set myself a twenty year retirement goal
with Piano that it became better – I figured ,if I play even a little for the
next twenty years, I’ll be pretty good with the piano when I’m 55 and close to
retirement age. So that sounds like a very decent plan to me. And with the
guitar, it was almost the opposite. I’ve chosen to have no goals here but to
enjoy the process. Some things are good
just for the fun of it.
e. Energy through creating vs consuming - Doesn’t watching TV fall into the same category? A
few episodes of Mad Men, some social media addiction, Tweeting away what you’re
having for lunch…. Research has shown
that more active means of occupying you time result in more happiness than
these short term consumption-heavy fixes – exercise, time with the family,
working on a creative project, things that get you actively into the state known as flow – which is when
you’re in the zone of doing something that you’re capable of doing but can get
better at with more practice, something that’s creating vis a vis just
consuming – those will trump things like shopping binges or social media or TV
binges any time.
2) MANAGING TIME
a.Creating Your Own Time: I find that I have to be very disciplined when I’m working from home because time available
is only that much. My staff at home, of whom there are plenty, have learned to
respect this over time. They used to keep interrupting me with stuff that drove
me crazy ‘Didi? Aaj kya sabzi banegi’ and I’d be like ‘whatever! Who cares!
Just make whatever and leave me alone’ And they wouldn’t. But over time, they
learned that they must, and now I have the time and the space to work on my
creative projects at home. It takes being adamant sometimes with your family
but even my kids finally respect my writing time at home.
b. These days, I also find
doing stuff in short bursts of 10 or 20 minutes are helpful and get stuff done. 10 minutes of an Ab workout or 10
minutes of scrolling through inane updates? In today’s age of distractions, I
think it’s actually quite important to manage even short bursts of time well to
get things done. It’s also helpful to tell yourself ‘Okay, let me do 20 minutes
of yoga or whatever’ – and often you’ll find you exceed that time and feel good
afterwards.
c. I also find that while
multi-tasking is actually quite unproductive sometimes, killing two birds with one stone is often a good idea. My music
lessons are a time for me to also bond with my daughter, alone time with her in
the car. My walk with the husband gets both of us moving in the nights after
the kids are sleeping. Even when I’m singing the kids a lullaby, I try to
improve my vocals and sometimes surprise them with the dark songs I sing to
them. I think it’s more a dual purpose to the things I choose to do rather than
doing two things at the same time.
3) MANAGING SPACE:
I think things really changed
for me when I got myself a desk. Our house is full to the brim of stuff and
people, we have a lot of kids and a lot of help. Having my own corner in the
house with my laptop, and my books and music system, a little space where I can
do Yoga, has been tremendously important for me to move forward with things
that matter to me.
Managing your space is
important for another reason – to overcome resistance. I moved my guitar back
into my room from the balcony where I used to house it so that I’d see it and
remember to play it on a more regular basis. My yoga mat and even my running
shoes are within my room in plain sight on an ongoing basis.
You need to put away the
temptations and bring out the things that will make you happy after you’ve done
them ( vis a vis a chocolate bar that feels great while you’re eating it but
immediately after, doesn’t feel so good). In fact, this is a great distinction
for me –I remind myself about whether I’m going to feel good after I’ve done
something and then try to be more conscious about the things I choose to do, or
eat, or the way I behave in a day.
Note: in another post, I've updated the tremendous life-changing magic of Tidying Up!
4) MANAGING YOUR MIND:
a. RESISTANCE: Even just sitting down to write on a daily basis is
difficult. You’ll be suddenly plagued by how messy your room is or the
children’s cupboard is and there will be mails to answer and bills to pay. Your
mind has this amazing ability to create something called Resistance, a very
powerful force that Steven Pressfield writes about in his books called ‘The War
of Art’ and ‘Do the Work’ – in a nutshell, resistance is what wants to prevent
you from doing what you really want to do – and it is possibly the single
biggest blocker to getting started and keeping on with and to finishing your
best work. What a pity if you were to let that force win though. The best way
to vanquish it is to know how it works, and be able to predict it and deal with
it. I handle procrastination not by fighting it, but by allowing it for short
defined bursts of time. I say I’m going to allow myself five minutes of time to
waste on Facebook, I’ll then do half an hour or an hour of writing the next
chapter of my book. And then I’ll go and do that, and I’ll do that again and
again and again. So much better to reserve your energy for creating things
rather than using them to fight your instincts.
b. MINDFULNESS
: The final point – being more conscious
–more aware of what’s going on around you. I’m a bit of a mindfulness failure
myself and yet, I also feel that maybe there isn’t a thing such as a
mindfulness failure. I try to meditate, I try to remain aware, I try to detach
myself from what’s going on often, and even though I often fail, I keep trying
because if I take a longer term view, I know that I’m now a happier, calmer,
more sorted person, a better and more patient parent – which doesn’t mean I
didn’t lose it with my kids yesterday –but I saw myself from a detached
perspective as I lost it with them and that means some progress. If we’re not growing as people as we grow older, I
don’t think there’s much point to anything. Of all the reading I’ll recommend a
book called ‘10% Happier by Dan Harris’
– a really practical overview on his journey with mindfulness.
I’ll wrap up by borrowing
from the end of a speech by the remarkable Prof Anil Gupta from IIMA who has
done some fantastic work in innovation for underprivileged societies; I listened to him years ago as he concluded a speech saying he had found his happiness in the intersection
of Life, Love and Learning. It really
connected to me. I think my own personal sweet spot in the intersection of
Laughter, Love and Learning. And I try to check in with myself daily about
whether I’ve had enough of a dose of all of these things. It keeps me going and
it makes me feel good. I highly recommend writing your own recipe and using
that as a standard for yourself on a daily basis. It’s really not that much
about external benchmark of a job title or pay. I’m not saying those things
aren’t important. But anything that
comes from inside of you is worth paying attention to. Please pay attention to
it.
Ultimately, a request:
please, please don’t become one of those annoying people who say things like
‘Oh I always wanted to write a book’ or ‘I could have really made a mark with
my photography’.
Don’t make excuses anymore.
Make the stuff you’re supposed to
make.
Thank you and all the best ;)
