V vs Y: Squash, Day 1

(Crossposted from my Facebook page here)

#SquashWithHusband

Day One -

Me (early morning, all excited): You said you'd teach me. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Squash is the number one sport as per my research, or rather, as per the first article I googled, which was Forbes Business Magazine 2015 basis five parameters, beating rowing, even. Let's go, let's go!

Vijay (mumbles sleepily): Let's start tomorrow.

Me: This is the problem, na. You don't think you'll get anything out of it because I don't know how to play. You don't want to play with me. Admit it!

Vijay (rolls out of bed): Let's go.

****

V: Now, listen. I've been watching your forehand. That's more a tennis shot.

Me (surprised): I have a tennis shot? (Fistpump) Yes!

V: Whatever. Can you please pay attention?

Me: (hopeful) Shall we go play tennis? This is too hard.

****

V: (Smashing the ball)

Me: (Standing frozen on the spot, cringing)

V: What? Why don't you go for it?

Me: The sound! It was like a gunshot. Too scary.

****

V: (Hits it towards the right)

Me: (Standing frozen on the spot, on the left)

V: What? What now?! Why didn't you go for it? Run, yaar!

Me: Oh, I thought I was playing this side.

****

V: (Hits it towards the left)

Me: (Run for it half-heartedly, reach out and miss)

V: Come on, put some energy into it.

Me: You're cheating.

V: How?

Me: That's a backhand.

V (grimly): Then learn how to do a backhand.

Me: So you don't love me anymore, huh?

*****

V ( running after the ball): Hey, how come I'm running around more than you, and you're just standing there?

Y: See, and you thought you wouldn't get exercise playing with me.

*****

V: One-love. Your serve.

Y: (ecstatic that I won a point by mistake,loudly) One Loooove....one liiiife......

V: Please don't sing.

*****

Pickle, Papad and Peanut appear at the basement court and peer down at us from their perch, just in time to see me break into a jig.

Peanut: Hey, Mom, why you so happy? You winning?

Me: It's eight-two! Eight-two!! ....I have TWO points! YES!

Vijay (irritated): SERVE already.

*****

After we finish, Vijay plays several knocks by himself.

Me (calling out to him): You prefer to play with yourself over playing with me, right?

Vijay, smashing the ball hard, rushing to pick it up, smashing it again: (Pretends not to hear me over the gunshot like smashes)

*****

We finish and pass the guy at the swimming pool, Kirti. I am all sweaty and dragging my feet back home.

Kirti: No swimming, madam?

Me ( panting) Not today

Kirti (realizes something) Jumba today, madam?

Me ( proudly) No. Squash. With Vijay.

Kirti (beams, realization dawning) Aha! That's what I was thinking. Itni bure haal toh aapke Jumba ke baad nahin hote.